The Journey North

Tornado vs Hurricane

“A tornado is definitely worse than a hurricane,” my twelve year old son emphatically announced from the backseat.  “No it’s not.  A hurricane is worse!”  My nine year old daughter’s obvious disagreement resounded off the windows of our SUV as we headed home from spending the weekend at my parents’ house in east Texas.  As their disagreement escalated, the other kids began adding their opinions and justifications to the heated debate.

“A tornado can crush a house in a second and pull trees out of the ground.”

“A hurricane can pull trees out of the ground too and sometimes water will cover a house all the way over the roof.”

“A tornado can pick up a car and throw it a really far.”

“A hurricane is bigger and can destroy a whole city.”

“Well, would you rather be in the middle of a tornado or hurricane?” 

Silence engulfed the car for a several seconds as the unanswered question hung heavily in the air.  For a moment, I let myself believe that the argument had ended without my involvement.  As I released my breath, my daughter countered.

“A hurricane can even have its own tornados.  Right, Mommy?”

With a sigh, I accepted that my involvement in the debate could no longer be avoided.  As they anxiously awaited my response, a single thought lodged firmly in my mind.  “This is the dumbest argument I have ever heard.”  Trying to reach deeper, I searched for a way to salvage the conversation.  I decided to take the middle ground and shared what I considered to be the obvious answer.

“They are both very dangerous and I wouldn’t want to be caught in either one.”  Unfortunately, my revelation didn’t exactly bring an end to the debate and eventually a single word achieved what all other statements could not.  “Enough,” I announced in my ‘don’t mess with me’ mommy voice and the car fell silent.

As we continued south down Hwy 59, I took a moment to reflect on the debate and grudgingly admitted that I’m often guilty of becoming trapped in the same type of vicious circle.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself passionately debating a topic that has no obvious winner and, even worse, has missed the point completely. 

However, I’m not alone in my affliction.  There are many examples of this principle scattered throughout our everyday lives and throughout history.  While watching the Republican primary debates, I feel that same sense of bewilderment and frustration as I did listening to my children. 

Even the church is not immune.  Debates over details created the complex world of Christian denominations we live with today.  Despite the fact that we all agree the Christ died for our sins, we lose perspective and often fall back into the same cycle of arguing over the details. 

In the years since that fateful day, the tornado vs hurricane debate has resurfaced on many occasions in our household.  The conversation always starts with laughing over the memory.  Despite the unity of belief that this really is a stupid argument, the conversation quickly dissolves into everyone taking sides once again and rehashing the points.  It turns out those deeply held beliefs are very difficult to overcome.  Yet, the only path to contentment is to focus on the point and let go of the details. 

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…  Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

I Wish I Had Patience

Tonight is the final game of the regular football season and it is destined to be a grand finale.  Despite the fact that both schools have already made the playoffs, Dawson High School will be hosting Manvel High School in a 4A grudge match that will not disappoint.  Prior to loosing a heartbreaker to La Marque last week, Dawson carried an impressive record of wins and had been ranked 5^th in Texas 4A.  Manvel enters tonight’s game undefeated and had been previously ranked 6^th.  The teams are well matched.  Final supremacy will be achieved on the field.  I can’t wait! 

Before night’s game, I am pleased to share the writings of a very, very special young lady as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series.  Ashley Divver is a bright, gifted, beautiful (inside and out!), intelligent, author of the blog Divver The Great and an amazing ten year old.  This best part…she’s my daughter!

When I started my blog this summer, she asked if she could start one as well and I happily helped her set one up.  Then, as I shared my excitement over starting this series she humbly asked if she could write for me one week as well.  How could I say no? 

The story you are about to read is hers, although I did help edit just a bit.  I tried to stay as true to her efforts as possible.  I think you will find that even at an early age, she has already figured out one of those things that we tend to struggle with as adults…patience. I hope you will enjoy today’s story as much as I did and maybe you will find some truths in it as well.

I Wish I Had Patience

The personality trait that I would most like to change about myself is I wish I could be more patient.  Unfortunately, I am not a very patient person.  I think impatient people are mean, selfish and bullies.  I don’t want to be that way.

My little brother, who is 3 years old, tests my patience every day but most often on the weekends.  If I had patience, I wouldn’t get mad at him as much and we would have more fun playing. 

It would also make me less stressed and I would be kinder to others.  For example, I could be nicer to others when we are in line at school.  Instead of yelling at them that they can’t cut in front of me, I can calmly explain that they need to go to the end of the line to be fair to everyone.

My step dad is very patient.  I admire that because he is easy going and always cool about everything.  I wish I was that way.  I would be more fun to hand out with and others wouldn’t be annoyed with me.

Changing will be hard. 

Maybe next time I get impatient, I can count quietly to myself or tap my foot.  When dealing with my little brother, I could talk to him about what he did wrong when he gets in trouble instead of putting him in a time out. 

I also want to be patient to make God happy.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.  Galatians 5:22-23 (NASB)

Life Changing – Part 1 of 3

The weekend’s activities beaconed to me as I prepared for my final meeting of the day.  Sports, church, and other commitments danced through my mind as I considered the logistics of getting everyone where they needed to be and when they needed to be there.  Despite my desire to get started on all those activities, a couple of hours reminded in the day.  Luckily, my Friday afternoon appointment included discussing resourcing concerns with one of my favorite people in and out of the workplace. 

As she entered my office and closed the door, I smiled broadly.  With such similar lives and personalities, we are able to cover multiple topics is rapid succession.  We think quickly on our feet, manage multiple activities, have a gaggle of kids at home, and have walked through the fire of divorce to find our wonderful and amazing husbands on the other side.  I knew our little chat would help time move by more quickly.  

Throwing in a bit of small talk before we got down to business, we shared our weekend plans and some recent struggles with difficult teenage boys.  Suddenly, she revealed a secret that left my jaw hanging open and my mind struggling to understand.  All other thoughts fled quickly from my mind.  Speechless (which is excessively rare for me!), I simply stared despite the fact that my response only made her more uncomfortable.

For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.  Mark 4:22 (NIV)

The Announcement

“I have cancer.”  Her statement overwhelmed my senses and my thoughts swirled.  Finally, I stuttered, “When did you find out?”  Slowly, she admitted that she had known for over a week.  I thought back to the nice lunch we shared just a few days ago away from the office and the fact that she hadn’t given me any indication that she faced a life changing event.  I had difficulty wrapping my mind around the discrepancy between her announcement and her behavior.  

“Are you okay?”  The question felt so inadequate for her condition.  Of course she wasn’t okay!  I immediately regretted the question.  Yet, I didn’t have anything better to offer.  Where were all of my eloquent words and quick thoughts?  Had all reason fled me?

“I’m actually doing okay.”  I considered that for a moment and then remembered the reason I like her so much and related to her so easily.  She was just like me. 

Not that I’ve ever faced a similar situation, but my husband will testify that I’m amazing with the big things.  It’s the little daily annoyances that push me to my breaking point.  I felt reasonably certain that I my reaction to such a discovery would be very similar. 

Accepting that fact allowed me to relax a bit and curiosity replace shock.  “How did you find out?” I wondered out loud.  Unperturbed by my question, she thoughtfully shared her unbelievable story. 

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.  Mark 10:27 (NIV)

Return next week as I reveal the shocking turn of events that surrounded her discovery in “Life Changing – Part 2 of 3”.  

Would You Like Dessert? – Part 2 of 2

“Would you like some dessert or coffee?”  The waiter smoothly offered us our options as he removed various lunch dishes with practiced efficiency.  With a shake of my head, I declined his suggestion while I tried to keep my immense relief that our marathon lunch had finally ended from guiding my response.  Even though I had resisted the urge to glance at my iphone while we ate, I knew that a significant amount of time had passed since we left the office.  Sighing deeply, I considered the pile of work awaiting my return.  At this rate, I wouldn’t be leaving the office in time to pick the kids up from day care.  Mentally, I added calling my hubby to obtain his assistance to my growing list of tasks. 

Suddenly from my left, the new employee joyfully announced, “I definitely want some cream puffs!”  The air rushed out of my lungs at her announcement.  Seriously?  In disbelief, I turned to look at her.  To my right, our lovely trainer chimed in with a request for a cup of coffee.  Helplessly, I glanced across the table at my only ally.  The look on her face confirmed that she also found their announcements rather unbelievable.  Despite being of one accord, we were powerless to influence the situation.  Clearly, our departure had been delayed yet again.

“And you, miss?  Would you like some dessert or coffee?”  I turned to face the waiter and then glanced back at the tray of delicacies he generously displayed before me.  With the battle already lost, the desserts urged me to give in.  “I’ll take that one,” I confessed.  Glancing back across the table, my ally’s eyes clearly expressed, “Et too, Brutus?” (Shakespeare’s Caesar)  I raised my eyebrows in return and shrugged my shoulders in an attempt to communicate, “If you can’t beat them, join them.”  Unlike me, she refused to give in to the temptation.  How I wish I had her will power!

The waiter returned to the kitchen and our new employee announced that she needed to find the ladies room.  However, instead of making her way to the back of the restaurant, she wove her way around the crowded tables and headed right out the front doors into the sunshine.  My silent question found an answer in the cigarette she pulled from her purse as she passed beyond my view.  Mentally, I added this unexpected action to the growing list of unusual behavior displayed by the newest member of our staff.

A bit eccentric, our new employee sported bright red hair cut short and spiked high.  With a petite frame and spunky attitude, she reminded me of a fiery pixie.  While our office is a rather progressive, eccentric doesn’t describe the employee base.  Generally, our staff tends to be rather young, energetic, and trendy.  We seem to lack the normal office fixtures such as the odd smelling cat lady or the strange silent recluse.  Hmmm…now that I think about it, maybe I’m the funny smelling and rather unconventional cat lady and instead of cats, I collect children.  I giggled at the thought causing the others to look up at me in surprise.

As we waited for our desserts and coffee to be delivered and for the fiery pixie to return, we discussed the rather unusual journey that had brought us to this restaurant so far from the office.  Our adventure had been doomed from the beginning.  Confusion over our destination, inaccurate directions, and multiple u-turns had elongated our simple attempt for a quick lunch.  The trainer assured us that the ride back would be more direct and less eventful.  I clung to that hope.

Thankfully, the sugar did much to soothe my agitation.  However, when the trainer asked for a second cup of coffee, my ally could no longer remain silent.  Stopping the waiter by placing a hand on his outstretched arm, she firmly requested the check and didn’t let go until he agreed.  Her insistence made me chuckle, which earned me a stern look for my response.  However, even she couldn’t deny how absurd the situation had become.   Despite her best efforts, a smile escaped and she rolled her eyes. 

Eventually, we did leave the restaurant and return to the office.  Happily, the ride back went smoothly as promised and we chatted pleasantly about the experience.  In the end, our lunchtime exceeded 2 ½ hours! 

While we had originally expected to grab a quick bite to eat, God had other plans for us that day.  The initial frustration and anxiety transformed into humor and a shared experience that helped to build our relationships much faster and deeper than they may have developed on their own.  The other day, an employee stopped me and my ally in the hallway and asked if we would like to go to lunch with the new employee.  Our unified and quick rejection caused him to take a step back.  We laughed at our response and at his expression.

It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth.  Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade.  Mark 5:34 (NIV)

Fear Factor

What a beautiful day!  The weather is fabulous and it’s Friday.  What more can a girl ask for?  Yesterday, my hubby and I returned from a long overdue and well deserved Caribbean Cruise.  Despite the rough seas (20’ swells…oh my!), we had a terrific time connecting, resting, and relaxing.  As a good friend of mine mentioned upon our return, there will likely be at least one blog about our adventures…maybe two or three. 

However, today we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series with Karen Daly Cook.  She is a Christian, wife, mom, student, worship leader, speaker, and author of her blog The Couch.  Needless to say, the girl is busy!  Karen loves to use laughter to bring comfort to others.  I hope that you will find encouragement and motivation to reach for God during those difficult times in your life.

Fear Factor

Just this week I faced one of my biggest fears.

Failure.

This week marked my final class in my masters program and the first of two competency exams as a Marriage and Family Therapist.

The exam process consists of being able to form a complete and accurate psychological diagnosis and treatment plan in front of a panel of Psychologists and Therapists. It is the stuff that nightmares are made of!

As the time drew near, I drove to the University campus. I arrived too early and now found myself waiting. At first I tried to kill time by checking email, facebook & twitter.

Eventually I ran out of things to look at on my phone and began to think about the test.

This is when things went south – fast! With waiting came worry and then worry’s friend fear snuck in the back door when I wasn’t looking. Suddenly I went from feeling confident and prepared to inadequate and fearful.

As began to consider why I was feeling fearful a series of questions bombarded my mind.

What if I didn’t pass? How would I tell my employer I failed? How would I tell my friends and family – how embarrassing? While these thoughts assaulted me as I sat in silence in the lobby, I began to pray.

God graciously reminded me of the ways He has prepared me, called me and provided a way for me to be in this position. He reassured me of His presence in my life and affirmed me that the message of fear I was receiving was not from Him.

So I decided to take the Lord at His word and address the fear.

I stared it in the face, sized it up, and then laid down my fear at the cross.

Don’t get me wrong, I was nervous as all get out. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I practiced deep breathing in an all out effort not to hyperventilate!

As I surrendered my fear and the sense that I control my own fate, I experienced peace. This was such a welcomed reprieve from the all out assault on my confidence.

The enemy is always looking for an opportunity to hijack our hope, steal our dreams and leave us by the side of the road stranded and helpless.

Fortunately we have an ever - present God, who loves us, who goes with us and who resides in us. We have the presence, power and peace of Christ with us at all times – all we need to do is call on Him.

Friends when you walk through the fears and fires of life, He will go with you.

Grace & Peace,

Karen

 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheCouchKDC?created

Twitter: @karendalycook

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Blog: the couch http://karendalycook.com/

Email:  [email protected]

Words - How Do You Use Them?

Today, my Friday Fall Favorites guest is one of my favorite bloggers.  Our styles are very similar…probably why I like her so much!  Tammy Karasek is a warm, funny, and entertaining writer.  I’m always excited when I see that she has released a new post on Tickled Pink Tammy.  She is a Christian, wife, mother, and writer.  Tammy sees humor and laughter in every aspect of life and enjoys sharing her adventures with others.  As a lonely child who received much criticism from family, she now uses that experience to reach out and encourage others.  I hope that you will enjoy her writing as much as I do and are inspired by her story!

Words - How Do You Use Them?

Have you ever been hurt by people’s words?  When words are spoken quickly, they can      either edify or tear down.  Yet once spoken, they cannot be retrieved.

I have one of “those” memory banks that are both a blessing and a curse.  You see I tend to remember just about everything.  And I do mean EVERYTHING—both the good and the bad.  The harder I try to forget the bad, the more it seems to commit to staying.  From a small child up to this day, I could probably list off times of hurtful words or situations than my poor writing hand could handle.

Since turning the big “5-0”, I have been purposely trying to go to those memories and one by one shrug my shoulders at it and decide to just let it go.  I’ve tried to see both sides in the word transaction and in most instances see that I’ve thought on it more than it was worth.  I realized that the more I hold the memory, the more the memory holds me…and my heart.

Those hurtful situations are mostly gone from my memory due to my diligence.  But you see it’s those hurtful words.  Ahh – the words spoken to my heart.  Ouch.  They may have come from a loved one or even a dear friend in a heated discussion or just in passing.

Yet they were spoken.

And sadly, remembered.

Then recently I read this verse in my daily quiet time with God.  Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 says:

“Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.”

WOW!  That’s big.

It tells me to not pay so close attention to every word spoken, because I may hear  “cursing” (or hurtful) words.  Then the second verse says that I know I’ve done this same thing.

What did that say?

Did that just say that I know I’ve done it, too?  No way – not me!  I love words.  I would not do that.  I know that words hurt, so I for sure would not do that.  Or would I?

Yes, it says I’ve done it, too.  Oh, how I did NOT like that.  That smacked me right up side of my think, stubborn head! 

Today, I’d like to encourage you as well as myself.  Those hurtful words are going to be flung at us.  That is a guarantee.  Yet scripture reminds us that we are going to fling ‘em, too!

As I’m learning to “not pay attention to every word people say” as the verse above says, may I encourage you to do the same?  Some words are necessary to hear for our good, but if it seems hurtful, will you give it to God?  Let Him deal with it and not let it consume your heart.  He wants to take our hurts away.  Take the hurtful words to Him.  

And I’m not off the hook either!  I also need to remember to not flippantly throw out those hurtful words to others.  How about you?  What are your thoughts on “Words?”   I’d love to hear what you think.

…and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy

Seeking Truth

“So, why doesn’t everyone give it a try?”  The instructor’s gentle direction implied that making an attempt to solve the problem would be within the realm of possibilities.  I suddenly felt propelled back to my 11^th grade advanced Chemistry class.  Once again, to find myself at a loss to determine the first step I needed to take.  

Did he really think we could do this?!  I didn’t even understand a fourth of the information displayed on the screen.  The list of acronyms resembled a bowl of alphabet soup and the accompanying numbers contained measurements that I had never even heard of.

As I continued to glare at him as if he had lost his mind, his smug look and the twinkle in his eye firmly announced that he knew something I didn’t.  Resolving that no help would be found there, I glanced around the room to determine how everyone else had decided to deal with this ridiculous assignment.  Shocked, I discovered that no one appeared to find this activity odd.  Instead, I found each head turned down and each person diligently working to solve the problem.  

Looking back at my blank paper, I began to wonder if I’d missed a critical piece of information.  Attempting to take the request seriously, I remembered we hadn’t been given a formula yet.  Just how were we supposed to attempt solving a very complex problem without the equation?  Startled, I considered the possibility that I might be the dumbest person in the room.  That discovery left me disheartened.  Not only did I represent the older and much more experienced population in our division of the company, but many of the attendees were recent college graduates.  They certainly shouldn’t know how to do this…should they?

With a deep sigh of defeat, I sent up a silent prayer for help as I leaned to over to the guy seated to my left and whispered, “Do you have a formula?”

“No,” his soft and urgent response caught me off guard.  Confused, I couldn’t resist asking, “Then what are you doing?”

Cutting his eyes my direction and allowing a slight smile to dance upon his face, he confessed.  “Nothing.  I have no idea how to solve this.” 

Taken aback, I blinked twice as I considered this revelation.  He didn’t have any more insight into completing this complex problem than I did.  As I worked to process this new found knowledge, I glanced at the front of the room and realized that the instructor continued to smile at me with laughter in his eyes.  Narrowing my own, I realized he was enjoying my discomfort a little too much.  

Unwilling to give up just yet, I leaned over to my right and whispered my request for a formula once again.  A soft no confirmed my growing suspicion.  Looking at his paper, I discovered several drawings instead of calculations. 

Understanding began to settle firmly in my mind and I couldn’t resist a giggle from escaping my lips.  I apologized as several people suddenly glanced my direction in surprise.  Looking back at the instructor, he nodded his acknowledgement of my discovery.  He knew that no one could solve the problem.  As a test, we had all failed.

How often do we let the same thing happen?  We look around at everyone else and assume that they have it all figured out.  Instead, they don’t know anything more than we do.  They’re just better at faking it.  

Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return.  Job 15:31 (NIV)

Consider how much more fulfilling our lives could be if we admitted what we didn’t know.  What would we learn as a result?  Often, we invest so much more energy into pretending than we would need if we searched for the truth.

God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.  Acts 17:27 (NIV)

God doesn’t want us to fake it.  He wants us to ask questions, admit that we don’t know everything, and turn to him for the answers.  How can He reveal the Truth, if we don’t first approach him humbly with our ignorance?

For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.  Psalm 149:4 (NIV)

I hope you enjoyed today’s story.  I’m also visiting over at Tickle Me Pink Tammy.  Stop by and say “Hi!”

What if I Mess it up?

Confession…I have not finished the 3^rd part to “Forgiveness vs Consequence.”  However, I am hopeful that a bus ride to Austin on Saturday will provide the opportunity to finish it up.  I might even have a surprise posting for you over the weekend…hey, stranger things have happened.  Until then, I am excited to share Niccol Kording with you today as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series. 

Niccol is a Christian speaker, author, and blogger of Set Apart & Set Free, a website dedicated to living a life of light and leaving a legacy of love.  She has a passion for Jesus, her family, and Israel.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

What if I Mess it up?

Though I am told that I kind of resemble her, I have never met her. And while I am told that we are a lot alike, I have never heard her voice. I have been told I would have liked her, but I have never even seen a picture of her.

She is a relative on my biological mother’s side of the family – a family I’ve never met and know little about. Yet, every October I am reminded of her. I am reminded that the one family member I even vaguely remember had cancer.

I don’t know if she lived or died. Just that she had cancer. I don’t know if she was tall or short. Just that she had cancer. I don’t know if her eyes were blue or green… she liked to dance or watch movies or even if the cancer was breast cancer or some other kind. I don’t know if she lived or died.

Just that she had cancer.

It’s probably better that I don’t know more because, while I am generally not a fearful person, the word cancer brings back memories of my father, two uncles and father-in-law’s deaths. No one in my family survives cancer. But I trust in God’s sovereignty – in His plan for my life.

And I would like to believe that trust will hold true no matter what God’s plan includes, even… well, I can’t even think that.

What I don’t trust in is my ability to reflect Christ in a crisis – a real crisis, not the little inconveniences of what some would say is a “blessed” life.

The irony is that this is what God continues to give me to write about and to speak about - about being set apart in our actions and reactions to our circumstances. About living a life that embraces… No, that clings to Christ as Light as part of His legacy for us all – that we might be witnesses to a life lived in His love, His grace, His light.

I want to be that witness. I want to live every aspect of my life as a reflection of His light, His grace, His love.

“You are the light of the world….Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”  Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)

I want to be the one that clings to Him and fears not.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

But I don’t always succeed. In fact, I fail often. But God knew we would fail often maybe that’s why He chose the Peters of the Bible as apostles.

Peter failed too. He denied Christ three times on the night Christ was crucified. (Matthew 26:69-75). He became afraid and began to sink after Jesus called Peter to walk on the water. (Matthew 14:28-30) He acted without thinking, challenging God’s plan for the cross and was met with must have been the harshest words he had ever heard when Jesus replied:

“Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”   Matthew 16:23 (NIV)

And yet Peter was also the one who declared Jesus to be the Christ, which declaration became the foundation of the Church as we know it. (Matthew 16:13-19) He was also part of Christ’s inner circle and one of three disciples to be with Christ when He was transfigured on the mountain and Moses and Elijah appeared beside Him. (Matthew 17:1-13) Likewise, Peter was also one of three disciples that were chosen to pray with Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane before Christ was crucified. (Matthew 26:37-38)

Peter failed.

I fail.

You may too.

But Christ never failed when He walked with the apostles and He never fails as He walks with us. His love never fails.

Even in my fear.

Because it was never about me succeeding in trusting Christ, but Him succeeding in overcoming death. And because it’s not about my reaction or me being strong, I don’t have to worry about His reflection in me, but rather trust Him to fill me with His light because I was never meant to shine – He was.

That, at least for me, is a relief because I know that whatever He brings on this path called my life here on earth will not be dependant on my abilities, but His. So, the next time you are afraid of what God has planned for you, remember the last piece of armor Paul talked about in Romans 13:12.

“The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” Romans 13:12 (NIV)

 

Toxic Pressure

Today, I am pleased and excited to welcome Brittany Williamson to our Friday Fall Favorites series. 

I met Brittany on the shuttle bus as we traveled to the Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks Conference in July (See Let’s Get Naked! for more about that).  As I anxiously wondered if I even slightly belonged at the conference, Brittany offered an amazing gift by exclaiming, “I read your blog and I love it.”  Speechless (which is extremely rare for me), I simply stared at her while my mind worked to accept that someone other than my closest family members had ever actually read any of my stories.  Her enthusiasm and comfort touched me at a moment when I needed it most.  I’m honored that she agreed to share her internal light and beautiful spirit with us today.

Brittany Williamson is a Christian blogger and contributor at Faith in Between, a website dedicated to helping twenty-somethings as they navigate the real world and make plans for their future while continuing to walk in a relationship with Christ.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

Toxic Pressure

A cold, twisted feeling stirred inside my little seven year old tummy as the teacher approached our lunch table. She had that look; you know the one. Eyes fixed, finger pointing, steps sure. Fear crept up my skin like a million little spiders warning me of the embarrassment and disappointment closing in with her every move.

“Brittany,” she said in a stern, heavy voice, “I need to see you over here for a moment.”

Regret immediately joined hands with fear. I should never have trusted my older brother! Smashing apples against my head wasn't a trick to make them taste better; it was a trick to make me look silly (how did I not know that?!), and every single one of my unfortunate young friends had fallen for it, too. The teacher blamed me for our ridiculous apple smashing episode.

It was the only time I ever got in trouble at school.

You see, I've always been an excellent rule-follower. It comes naturally to me. I like expectations. They're comfortable. Black and white is much easier to navigate than gray.  It tells me what people want and how to please them. It rewards me with “good job” and “you're so responsible” and “well done.” It's consistent and predictable and safe. I can control it, and I like having control almost as much as I like rules.

Until two years ago, my desire—no, need is a more accurate word—my need to please people extended beyond my relationships and into my spiritual life. I struggled to always get it “right”, to earn God's love by following His rules, or what religion taught were His rules: don't drink, don't steal, don't lie. The better I obeyed, the more He loved, and the more He loved, the greater chance I had at salvation. Rules became my god, the only one I served, trusted, and worshiped. The one I believed would save me. And the more I depended on them, the more pressure I felt.

 And pressure is toxic where it doesn't belong.

As I realized I could never live up to this formula for salvation, guilt, shame, and hopelessness nestled into my exhausted heart. Poisoned by pressure God never intended me to feel, I became angry and resentful. I doubted His love altogether; how could a loving God design such an impossible plan for us? I believed I let Him down, and, even worse, I began to believe He let me down, too. 

It wasn't until a pastor at the church I was attending delivered an entire sermon on John 3:16 that I was released from the lie of perfection and embraced by the freedom of grace; loving Christ is our goal, not some impossible list of rules! I finally realized obedience is a reflection of our relationship with God, not the foundation of the relationship itself.

And the only thing perfect in this life is His love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NIV)

 

Growing Faith

Today, I’m thrilled to continue our Friday Fall Favorites series with the writings of Shannon Milholland. 

At the same time, I will be a guest over at Shannon’s blog Jesus & My Orange Juice and Rachel Loudon’s blog The Lazy Christian.  You will probably remember Rachel from earlier this month as she was the first guest of my Friday Fall Favorites series with Letting Him Lead. 

As you can see, today is a very busy day!  This is my first time to be a guest on someone else’s blog and have been blessed with two opportunities on the same day!  Please stop by for a visit and say “Hi!”  I’ve shared new material in both of my guest spots.

Shannon Milholland is a wife, mother of four, and accomplished Christian blogger and speaker.  She is passionate about all things women – being a wife, raising godly children and keeping a home.  As if that doesn’t keep her busy enough, she is also the Social Media Director of Southern Writers Magazine.  You can discover more about her on her blog Jesus & My Orange Juice, a fresh-squeezed oasis for ordinary living.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

Growing Faith

Ephesians 3:20 To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (NIV)

I bounced my head back and forth from the stick to the box like a referee at a ping pong match. No matter how many times I compared the result, it did not change. I was pregnant. There was no denying it.

I was not prepared for a baby. New town, new job and no money did not equal the stay at home mom dream tucked in my heart. How could I both provide for this baby and be the mom I envisioned?

I carried my hopes to the source of help I knew. I begged God to assist in the care of my unborn child. With the smallest seed of faith, I gave Him my dreams.

Two months later, my belly was in bloom and testing the outer limits of my waistband.  The tiny faith kernel sprouted as well. Within weeks, I had been loaned or given a closet full of maternity clothes.

The months passed. My baby grew and I read books. I followed my daughter’s development week by week and learned how to care for her. My mind and heart were prepared. My home was not. One day I wandered into her empty room and wondered how it would be filled.

The next Sunday our pastor taught about prayer. He challenged us to bring our greatest distress to God. I needed a crib and changing table. I didn’t know fancy words. I simply told God my desire and silently asked for His help. As I walked out of church, the couple behind me tapped me on the shoulder. “We’ve been meaning to ask, would you have any use for our nursery furniture?” My seedling of belief sprouted a stem.

Soon after, my family surprised me. They filled my crib with bedding on which Noah and his ark-full of whimsical animals danced. My soul leapt with them. My trust in God spreads leaves.

In the meantime, my little cantaloupe morphed into a watermelon. As my belly pressed the seams of my maternity clothes, virtual strangers showered me with God‘s love. People I knew only briefly filled my nursery with clothes, diapers, books and toys. My stem of faith put forth a bud.

As my due date approached, I shopped on my day off. I meandered through a home decorating store. What caught my eye was a Noah’s ark light switch plate cover. It was a minor expense. I debated the splurge. It would complete the look of my baby‘s abode. I felt silly but I put it away. If God wanted me to have it, He would provide. The next morning it was on my desk. My bud of hope bloomed.

She arrived eleven days after her due date. One look and I was smitten. I anticipated every day I would spend with her on maternity leave. I would return to work in six short weeks. The thought pained my heart.

Two weeks into my leave, my phone rang. It was my manager’s boss. The company wanted me to take on more responsibility. 

I swallowed and willed the words out from my throat. “I’d be glad to help but I want to work from home so I don’t have to put my daughter in day care,” I sputtered. The president didn’t hesitate. 

“Sounds great. I’ll send someone over tomorrow to set you up with access.”

My confidence in God burst into a bouquet. Nine months earlier, I dared to whisper my dreams into the ear of God. He tilled the soil of my heart, planted His love and grew my faith. He is the Master Gardener.