The Journey North

Fear Factor

What a beautiful day!  The weather is fabulous and it’s Friday.  What more can a girl ask for?  Yesterday, my hubby and I returned from a long overdue and well deserved Caribbean Cruise.  Despite the rough seas (20’ swells…oh my!), we had a terrific time connecting, resting, and relaxing.  As a good friend of mine mentioned upon our return, there will likely be at least one blog about our adventures…maybe two or three. 

However, today we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series with Karen Daly Cook.  She is a Christian, wife, mom, student, worship leader, speaker, and author of her blog The Couch.  Needless to say, the girl is busy!  Karen loves to use laughter to bring comfort to others.  I hope that you will find encouragement and motivation to reach for God during those difficult times in your life.

Fear Factor

Just this week I faced one of my biggest fears.

Failure.

This week marked my final class in my masters program and the first of two competency exams as a Marriage and Family Therapist.

The exam process consists of being able to form a complete and accurate psychological diagnosis and treatment plan in front of a panel of Psychologists and Therapists. It is the stuff that nightmares are made of!

As the time drew near, I drove to the University campus. I arrived too early and now found myself waiting. At first I tried to kill time by checking email, facebook & twitter.

Eventually I ran out of things to look at on my phone and began to think about the test.

This is when things went south – fast! With waiting came worry and then worry’s friend fear snuck in the back door when I wasn’t looking. Suddenly I went from feeling confident and prepared to inadequate and fearful.

As began to consider why I was feeling fearful a series of questions bombarded my mind.

What if I didn’t pass? How would I tell my employer I failed? How would I tell my friends and family – how embarrassing? While these thoughts assaulted me as I sat in silence in the lobby, I began to pray.

God graciously reminded me of the ways He has prepared me, called me and provided a way for me to be in this position. He reassured me of His presence in my life and affirmed me that the message of fear I was receiving was not from Him.

So I decided to take the Lord at His word and address the fear.

I stared it in the face, sized it up, and then laid down my fear at the cross.

Don’t get me wrong, I was nervous as all get out. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I practiced deep breathing in an all out effort not to hyperventilate!

As I surrendered my fear and the sense that I control my own fate, I experienced peace. This was such a welcomed reprieve from the all out assault on my confidence.

The enemy is always looking for an opportunity to hijack our hope, steal our dreams and leave us by the side of the road stranded and helpless.

Fortunately we have an ever - present God, who loves us, who goes with us and who resides in us. We have the presence, power and peace of Christ with us at all times – all we need to do is call on Him.

Friends when you walk through the fears and fires of life, He will go with you.

Grace & Peace,

Karen

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Twitter: @karendalycook

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Blog: the couch http://karendalycook.com/

Email:  [email protected]

Words - How Do You Use Them?

Today, my Friday Fall Favorites guest is one of my favorite bloggers.  Our styles are very similar…probably why I like her so much!  Tammy Karasek is a warm, funny, and entertaining writer.  I’m always excited when I see that she has released a new post on Tickled Pink Tammy.  She is a Christian, wife, mother, and writer.  Tammy sees humor and laughter in every aspect of life and enjoys sharing her adventures with others.  As a lonely child who received much criticism from family, she now uses that experience to reach out and encourage others.  I hope that you will enjoy her writing as much as I do and are inspired by her story!

Words - How Do You Use Them?

Have you ever been hurt by people’s words?  When words are spoken quickly, they can      either edify or tear down.  Yet once spoken, they cannot be retrieved.

I have one of “those” memory banks that are both a blessing and a curse.  You see I tend to remember just about everything.  And I do mean EVERYTHING—both the good and the bad.  The harder I try to forget the bad, the more it seems to commit to staying.  From a small child up to this day, I could probably list off times of hurtful words or situations than my poor writing hand could handle.

Since turning the big “5-0”, I have been purposely trying to go to those memories and one by one shrug my shoulders at it and decide to just let it go.  I’ve tried to see both sides in the word transaction and in most instances see that I’ve thought on it more than it was worth.  I realized that the more I hold the memory, the more the memory holds me…and my heart.

Those hurtful situations are mostly gone from my memory due to my diligence.  But you see it’s those hurtful words.  Ahh – the words spoken to my heart.  Ouch.  They may have come from a loved one or even a dear friend in a heated discussion or just in passing.

Yet they were spoken.

And sadly, remembered.

Then recently I read this verse in my daily quiet time with God.  Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 says:

“Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.”

WOW!  That’s big.

It tells me to not pay so close attention to every word spoken, because I may hear  “cursing” (or hurtful) words.  Then the second verse says that I know I’ve done this same thing.

What did that say?

Did that just say that I know I’ve done it, too?  No way – not me!  I love words.  I would not do that.  I know that words hurt, so I for sure would not do that.  Or would I?

Yes, it says I’ve done it, too.  Oh, how I did NOT like that.  That smacked me right up side of my think, stubborn head! 

Today, I’d like to encourage you as well as myself.  Those hurtful words are going to be flung at us.  That is a guarantee.  Yet scripture reminds us that we are going to fling ‘em, too!

As I’m learning to “not pay attention to every word people say” as the verse above says, may I encourage you to do the same?  Some words are necessary to hear for our good, but if it seems hurtful, will you give it to God?  Let Him deal with it and not let it consume your heart.  He wants to take our hurts away.  Take the hurtful words to Him.  

And I’m not off the hook either!  I also need to remember to not flippantly throw out those hurtful words to others.  How about you?  What are your thoughts on “Words?”   I’d love to hear what you think.

…and that’s all I have to say about that!

Tammy

Seeking Truth

“So, why doesn’t everyone give it a try?”  The instructor’s gentle direction implied that making an attempt to solve the problem would be within the realm of possibilities.  I suddenly felt propelled back to my 11^th grade advanced Chemistry class.  Once again, to find myself at a loss to determine the first step I needed to take.  

Did he really think we could do this?!  I didn’t even understand a fourth of the information displayed on the screen.  The list of acronyms resembled a bowl of alphabet soup and the accompanying numbers contained measurements that I had never even heard of.

As I continued to glare at him as if he had lost his mind, his smug look and the twinkle in his eye firmly announced that he knew something I didn’t.  Resolving that no help would be found there, I glanced around the room to determine how everyone else had decided to deal with this ridiculous assignment.  Shocked, I discovered that no one appeared to find this activity odd.  Instead, I found each head turned down and each person diligently working to solve the problem.  

Looking back at my blank paper, I began to wonder if I’d missed a critical piece of information.  Attempting to take the request seriously, I remembered we hadn’t been given a formula yet.  Just how were we supposed to attempt solving a very complex problem without the equation?  Startled, I considered the possibility that I might be the dumbest person in the room.  That discovery left me disheartened.  Not only did I represent the older and much more experienced population in our division of the company, but many of the attendees were recent college graduates.  They certainly shouldn’t know how to do this…should they?

With a deep sigh of defeat, I sent up a silent prayer for help as I leaned to over to the guy seated to my left and whispered, “Do you have a formula?”

“No,” his soft and urgent response caught me off guard.  Confused, I couldn’t resist asking, “Then what are you doing?”

Cutting his eyes my direction and allowing a slight smile to dance upon his face, he confessed.  “Nothing.  I have no idea how to solve this.” 

Taken aback, I blinked twice as I considered this revelation.  He didn’t have any more insight into completing this complex problem than I did.  As I worked to process this new found knowledge, I glanced at the front of the room and realized that the instructor continued to smile at me with laughter in his eyes.  Narrowing my own, I realized he was enjoying my discomfort a little too much.  

Unwilling to give up just yet, I leaned over to my right and whispered my request for a formula once again.  A soft no confirmed my growing suspicion.  Looking at his paper, I discovered several drawings instead of calculations. 

Understanding began to settle firmly in my mind and I couldn’t resist a giggle from escaping my lips.  I apologized as several people suddenly glanced my direction in surprise.  Looking back at the instructor, he nodded his acknowledgement of my discovery.  He knew that no one could solve the problem.  As a test, we had all failed.

How often do we let the same thing happen?  We look around at everyone else and assume that they have it all figured out.  Instead, they don’t know anything more than we do.  They’re just better at faking it.  

Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return.  Job 15:31 (NIV)

Consider how much more fulfilling our lives could be if we admitted what we didn’t know.  What would we learn as a result?  Often, we invest so much more energy into pretending than we would need if we searched for the truth.

God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.  Acts 17:27 (NIV)

God doesn’t want us to fake it.  He wants us to ask questions, admit that we don’t know everything, and turn to him for the answers.  How can He reveal the Truth, if we don’t first approach him humbly with our ignorance?

For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.  Psalm 149:4 (NIV)

I hope you enjoyed today’s story.  I’m also visiting over at Tickle Me Pink Tammy.  Stop by and say “Hi!”

What if I Mess it up?

Confession…I have not finished the 3^rd part to “Forgiveness vs Consequence.”  However, I am hopeful that a bus ride to Austin on Saturday will provide the opportunity to finish it up.  I might even have a surprise posting for you over the weekend…hey, stranger things have happened.  Until then, I am excited to share Niccol Kording with you today as we continue our Friday Fall Favorites series. 

Niccol is a Christian speaker, author, and blogger of Set Apart & Set Free, a website dedicated to living a life of light and leaving a legacy of love.  She has a passion for Jesus, her family, and Israel.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

What if I Mess it up?

Though I am told that I kind of resemble her, I have never met her. And while I am told that we are a lot alike, I have never heard her voice. I have been told I would have liked her, but I have never even seen a picture of her.

She is a relative on my biological mother’s side of the family – a family I’ve never met and know little about. Yet, every October I am reminded of her. I am reminded that the one family member I even vaguely remember had cancer.

I don’t know if she lived or died. Just that she had cancer. I don’t know if she was tall or short. Just that she had cancer. I don’t know if her eyes were blue or green… she liked to dance or watch movies or even if the cancer was breast cancer or some other kind. I don’t know if she lived or died.

Just that she had cancer.

It’s probably better that I don’t know more because, while I am generally not a fearful person, the word cancer brings back memories of my father, two uncles and father-in-law’s deaths. No one in my family survives cancer. But I trust in God’s sovereignty – in His plan for my life.

And I would like to believe that trust will hold true no matter what God’s plan includes, even… well, I can’t even think that.

What I don’t trust in is my ability to reflect Christ in a crisis – a real crisis, not the little inconveniences of what some would say is a “blessed” life.

The irony is that this is what God continues to give me to write about and to speak about - about being set apart in our actions and reactions to our circumstances. About living a life that embraces… No, that clings to Christ as Light as part of His legacy for us all – that we might be witnesses to a life lived in His love, His grace, His light.

I want to be that witness. I want to live every aspect of my life as a reflection of His light, His grace, His love.

“You are the light of the world….Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”  Matthew 5:14-16 (NIV)

I want to be the one that clings to Him and fears not.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

But I don’t always succeed. In fact, I fail often. But God knew we would fail often maybe that’s why He chose the Peters of the Bible as apostles.

Peter failed too. He denied Christ three times on the night Christ was crucified. (Matthew 26:69-75). He became afraid and began to sink after Jesus called Peter to walk on the water. (Matthew 14:28-30) He acted without thinking, challenging God’s plan for the cross and was met with must have been the harshest words he had ever heard when Jesus replied:

“Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”   Matthew 16:23 (NIV)

And yet Peter was also the one who declared Jesus to be the Christ, which declaration became the foundation of the Church as we know it. (Matthew 16:13-19) He was also part of Christ’s inner circle and one of three disciples to be with Christ when He was transfigured on the mountain and Moses and Elijah appeared beside Him. (Matthew 17:1-13) Likewise, Peter was also one of three disciples that were chosen to pray with Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane before Christ was crucified. (Matthew 26:37-38)

Peter failed.

I fail.

You may too.

But Christ never failed when He walked with the apostles and He never fails as He walks with us. His love never fails.

Even in my fear.

Because it was never about me succeeding in trusting Christ, but Him succeeding in overcoming death. And because it’s not about my reaction or me being strong, I don’t have to worry about His reflection in me, but rather trust Him to fill me with His light because I was never meant to shine – He was.

That, at least for me, is a relief because I know that whatever He brings on this path called my life here on earth will not be dependant on my abilities, but His. So, the next time you are afraid of what God has planned for you, remember the last piece of armor Paul talked about in Romans 13:12.

“The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.” Romans 13:12 (NIV)

 

Toxic Pressure

Today, I am pleased and excited to welcome Brittany Williamson to our Friday Fall Favorites series. 

I met Brittany on the shuttle bus as we traveled to the Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks Conference in July (See Let’s Get Naked! for more about that).  As I anxiously wondered if I even slightly belonged at the conference, Brittany offered an amazing gift by exclaiming, “I read your blog and I love it.”  Speechless (which is extremely rare for me), I simply stared at her while my mind worked to accept that someone other than my closest family members had ever actually read any of my stories.  Her enthusiasm and comfort touched me at a moment when I needed it most.  I’m honored that she agreed to share her internal light and beautiful spirit with us today.

Brittany Williamson is a Christian blogger and contributor at Faith in Between, a website dedicated to helping twenty-somethings as they navigate the real world and make plans for their future while continuing to walk in a relationship with Christ.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

Toxic Pressure

A cold, twisted feeling stirred inside my little seven year old tummy as the teacher approached our lunch table. She had that look; you know the one. Eyes fixed, finger pointing, steps sure. Fear crept up my skin like a million little spiders warning me of the embarrassment and disappointment closing in with her every move.

“Brittany,” she said in a stern, heavy voice, “I need to see you over here for a moment.”

Regret immediately joined hands with fear. I should never have trusted my older brother! Smashing apples against my head wasn't a trick to make them taste better; it was a trick to make me look silly (how did I not know that?!), and every single one of my unfortunate young friends had fallen for it, too. The teacher blamed me for our ridiculous apple smashing episode.

It was the only time I ever got in trouble at school.

You see, I've always been an excellent rule-follower. It comes naturally to me. I like expectations. They're comfortable. Black and white is much easier to navigate than gray.  It tells me what people want and how to please them. It rewards me with “good job” and “you're so responsible” and “well done.” It's consistent and predictable and safe. I can control it, and I like having control almost as much as I like rules.

Until two years ago, my desire—no, need is a more accurate word—my need to please people extended beyond my relationships and into my spiritual life. I struggled to always get it “right”, to earn God's love by following His rules, or what religion taught were His rules: don't drink, don't steal, don't lie. The better I obeyed, the more He loved, and the more He loved, the greater chance I had at salvation. Rules became my god, the only one I served, trusted, and worshiped. The one I believed would save me. And the more I depended on them, the more pressure I felt.

 And pressure is toxic where it doesn't belong.

As I realized I could never live up to this formula for salvation, guilt, shame, and hopelessness nestled into my exhausted heart. Poisoned by pressure God never intended me to feel, I became angry and resentful. I doubted His love altogether; how could a loving God design such an impossible plan for us? I believed I let Him down, and, even worse, I began to believe He let me down, too. 

It wasn't until a pastor at the church I was attending delivered an entire sermon on John 3:16 that I was released from the lie of perfection and embraced by the freedom of grace; loving Christ is our goal, not some impossible list of rules! I finally realized obedience is a reflection of our relationship with God, not the foundation of the relationship itself.

And the only thing perfect in this life is His love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NIV)

 

Dealing With Teenage Boys – Part 2 of 2

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Montgomery.  This is the Assistant Principle at the High School.  I’m sure your son explained the incident on Friday.  We weren’t able to address it then, but I just wanted you to know that we dealt with the situation first thing this morning.  We don’t anticipate any retribution.  Give me a call tomorrow if you would like to discuss this further.” 

My mind attempted to decode the cryptic voice message, but only questions remained.  What in the world was he talking about?  What happened on Friday?  Retribution?  By whom?  My son?  Someone else?  What did he mean that it had been “dealt with”?  I could call tomorrow?  What about today?

Glancing quickly at the clock, I accepted that the school day had ended.  However, my annoyance that the Assistant Principle chose to wait until the end of the day to call me heightened my anxiety.  My Monday quickly deteriorated into a tangled mess of confusion and concern in a matter of moments.  Since returning the call to the school would have to wait until tomorrow, I chose the next best option.  I called my husband. 

Skipping all attempts at a civilized and pleasant introduction, I jumped directly in.  “What happened on Friday?  Did you talk to the Assistant Principle?  What about retribution?”  

My questions hung in the air for several moments and I began to wonder if my husband was actually on the phone.  “Hello?  Are you there?”

“What are you talking about?”  My husband’s confused and disoriented response confirmed my fears.  He didn’t know anything either.  Worse, he hadn’t even received a call from the school.

I quickly shared my limited knowledge on the subject and waited for my husband to respond.  “Well, he did say that he had a bad day at school on Friday.”  That response left me completely unsatisfied.  A bad day did not explain a cryptic message from the Assistant Principle.  It was clear that we needed to go to the source…our son.

The Incident in Question

It turns out that the situation on Friday involved a girl.  (Isn’t that always the case?)  She had recently broken up with her boyfriend and he didn’t agree.  So, the ex-boyfriend grabbed her in the hallway at school to speak with her and wouldn’t let go.  Afterwards, she tearfully described the terrifying encounter to our son (the unexpected hero of our story).  He comforted her and encouraged her to go to the school administration and tell them what happened.  However, she feared retribution. 

A false witness will perish, but a careful listener will testify successfully.  The wicked put up a bold front, but the upright give thought to their ways.  Proverbs 21:28-29 (NIV)

Our son accepted that he needed to help and he carefully considered his options.  He knew that confronting the ex-boyfriend would likely lead to an altercation.  He didn’t fear the encounter, but the school had a clear policy on fighting.  Both parties, regardless of reason or fault, would find themselves at the Alternative Learning Academy (ALA – where the bad kids go).

He felt that standing up for his friend justified the punishment.  However, he didn’t feel the same way about the ex-boyfriend.  He wanted justice for his friend without being punished for his involvement at the same time.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.  Proverbs 22:3 (NIV)

Despite the potential that others might think he feared an altercation, he realized the best option included first seeking assistance from the school administration on behalf of his friend.  Therefore, he confidently approached the Assistant Principle to ask for help.

It is hard to describe the feeling of pride that blossoms in your chest when you discover that your children have actually been listening to you all along.  

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

That night we attended an event at the high school and unexpectantly ran into the Assistant Principle.  I smiled as I approached him and chastised him for leaving such a cryptic message that caused us to panic.  With a blush slightly tinting his cheeks, he apologized.  After leaving the message, he had realized that he had failed to express the nature of the incident.  I suggested that in the future that he include a comment right up front that clearly explained whether his call included good news or bad news.  With a laugh, he agreed to do so in the future.

Dealing With Teenage Boys – Part 1 of 2

“Excuse me, Mrs. Montgomery.  Do you have a moment?”  I closed my eyes and, for an instant, consider the possibility of saying “no.”  Yet, avoiding the situation would not improve my position.  With a deep sigh of regret, I offered a quick prayer for support before turning around to follow him to a distant, quieter corner of the entrance area.  

During our quick stroll, I silently debated the reason behind this unexpected encounter.  I tried to find some kernel of hope that he had good news.  Unfortunately, people don’t usually pull others to the side to speak privately when they have something positive to share.  Therefore, two options remained.  Either my teenage son had done something wrong…or I had.  

It’s a Stupid Rule!

The cool evening breeze provided some much needed relief to the unseasonable Texas heat that persisted into fall.  Despite the humidity that continued to linger, I chatted happily with several band moms as we waited for the kids to finish unloading the truck and other clean up activities before finally heading home for some much needed sleep.  The excitement of winning the football game and the exceptional halftime performance remained vivid as the students unpacked.  Normally, I chose to wait patiently in the car until they finished, but the evening’s activities beckoned me to discard my solitary instincts.  Instead, I ventured out into the night air to mingle with the other moms.  

As the band director came to a halt and turned to face me, I couldn’t resist thinking that if I had remained safely in my car I may have avoided this situation.  Mentally, I continued to debate the pros and cons of whether I had committed some unknown sin or my son had.  

It wouldn’t be the first time for either of us.  The previous year I had brought unwanted attention to myself in an attempt to move things along for an event my husband volunteered us to organize.  Unaware of some of the internal school district politics, I unwittingly stepped across one of those lines and earned a reprimand for my efforts.  Even now, the sting of that encounter burned brightly in my memory.  

“Are you having any problems at home with your son?” 

Yea!  It wasn’t about me.  

Boo!  What had my son done now? 

Just to clarify, if you are not a frequent visitor to my blog, my 16 year old is actually my step-son.  However, I’m not partial to that distinction since he lives with us most of the year and I choose to treat him as if he were my own.  Some days he is thrilled with my efforts and other days he is not as excited.  Generally, his disposition hinges on whether or not he is in trouble. 

“We’ve been having some attitude problems with him.”  

“Oh.”  The single syllable slipped from my lips as I tried to provide a reasonable and appropriate response.  I wanted to defend him, yet attitude issues often plague my son. 

It’s not that he wants to have a bad attitude.  The problem is that he struggles with accepting that he doesn’t know everything and that rules have to be followed (without attitude) whether you like it or not.  As long as he agrees with the rule, then he’s fine.  However, as soon as he decides that a rule is stupid, he feels that he shouldn’t be required to follow it. 

My husband and I have argued this point to death with him.  We’ve tried our best to explain that it doesn’t matter what he thinks, he has to follow the rules.  Despite our best efforts to reason with him or compare these same issues with the work environment, he refuses to see reason.  He persistently rolls his eyes and exclaims, “It’s a stupid rule!”  

With nothing momentous to add to the band director’s revelation, I explained our latest tactic in the war on teenage indifference.  Nodding in approval and adding, “That will work.”  The band director smiled as he considered our latest approach to discipline.

You see, the world has recently turned in our favor.  Our son received his driver’s license a couple of weeks ago.  With the privileges of driving also comes a new punishment for not following the rules.  My husband firmly laid down the law as he excitedly displayed his newly acquired license. 

If our son fails a class or gets in serious trouble with his teachers or band directors for his attitude, he will no longer have permission to drive and will return to riding the bus and being at the mercy of others when he needs a ride.  Before he had his license, there simply wasn’t another choice.  However, now that he’s tasted freedom, the alternative is crushing…perfect!

Don’t get me wrong, he has a wonderful and amazing character.  He just struggles to retain that insight and focus on a daily basis.  

…We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

Return on Wednesday as I share the other side in “The World of Teenage Boys – Part 2 of 2.”  While his lack of motivation and desire for mediocrity dominates most days, there are moments when I’m amazed at just how mature and confident he can be when he chooses the right path.  

Growing Faith

Today, I’m thrilled to continue our Friday Fall Favorites series with the writings of Shannon Milholland. 

At the same time, I will be a guest over at Shannon’s blog Jesus & My Orange Juice and Rachel Loudon’s blog The Lazy Christian.  You will probably remember Rachel from earlier this month as she was the first guest of my Friday Fall Favorites series with Letting Him Lead. 

As you can see, today is a very busy day!  This is my first time to be a guest on someone else’s blog and have been blessed with two opportunities on the same day!  Please stop by for a visit and say “Hi!”  I’ve shared new material in both of my guest spots.

Shannon Milholland is a wife, mother of four, and accomplished Christian blogger and speaker.  She is passionate about all things women – being a wife, raising godly children and keeping a home.  As if that doesn’t keep her busy enough, she is also the Social Media Director of Southern Writers Magazine.  You can discover more about her on her blog Jesus & My Orange Juice, a fresh-squeezed oasis for ordinary living.  I hope that you will enjoy her visit and are inspired by her story!

Growing Faith

Ephesians 3:20 To him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (NIV)

I bounced my head back and forth from the stick to the box like a referee at a ping pong match. No matter how many times I compared the result, it did not change. I was pregnant. There was no denying it.

I was not prepared for a baby. New town, new job and no money did not equal the stay at home mom dream tucked in my heart. How could I both provide for this baby and be the mom I envisioned?

I carried my hopes to the source of help I knew. I begged God to assist in the care of my unborn child. With the smallest seed of faith, I gave Him my dreams.

Two months later, my belly was in bloom and testing the outer limits of my waistband.  The tiny faith kernel sprouted as well. Within weeks, I had been loaned or given a closet full of maternity clothes.

The months passed. My baby grew and I read books. I followed my daughter’s development week by week and learned how to care for her. My mind and heart were prepared. My home was not. One day I wandered into her empty room and wondered how it would be filled.

The next Sunday our pastor taught about prayer. He challenged us to bring our greatest distress to God. I needed a crib and changing table. I didn’t know fancy words. I simply told God my desire and silently asked for His help. As I walked out of church, the couple behind me tapped me on the shoulder. “We’ve been meaning to ask, would you have any use for our nursery furniture?” My seedling of belief sprouted a stem.

Soon after, my family surprised me. They filled my crib with bedding on which Noah and his ark-full of whimsical animals danced. My soul leapt with them. My trust in God spreads leaves.

In the meantime, my little cantaloupe morphed into a watermelon. As my belly pressed the seams of my maternity clothes, virtual strangers showered me with God‘s love. People I knew only briefly filled my nursery with clothes, diapers, books and toys. My stem of faith put forth a bud.

As my due date approached, I shopped on my day off. I meandered through a home decorating store. What caught my eye was a Noah’s ark light switch plate cover. It was a minor expense. I debated the splurge. It would complete the look of my baby‘s abode. I felt silly but I put it away. If God wanted me to have it, He would provide. The next morning it was on my desk. My bud of hope bloomed.

She arrived eleven days after her due date. One look and I was smitten. I anticipated every day I would spend with her on maternity leave. I would return to work in six short weeks. The thought pained my heart.

Two weeks into my leave, my phone rang. It was my manager’s boss. The company wanted me to take on more responsibility. 

I swallowed and willed the words out from my throat. “I’d be glad to help but I want to work from home so I don’t have to put my daughter in day care,” I sputtered. The president didn’t hesitate. 

“Sounds great. I’ll send someone over tomorrow to set you up with access.”

My confidence in God burst into a bouquet. Nine months earlier, I dared to whisper my dreams into the ear of God. He tilled the soil of my heart, planted His love and grew my faith. He is the Master Gardener.

 
 
 

Urgent Request: Change – Part 2 of 2

“Hey! I’m stopping by your office to get something out of your car in a few.”  The unexpected announcement in my husband’s text caught me off guard.  While our jobs are relatively close to each other, they aren’t exactly conveniently located.  After almost eight weeks at my new job, this was only the second time he had stopped by.  The first time, I simply unlocked the car from my office while watching him out my window.

With my new found realization that I need to place more effort into our marriage, I decided that today I would go outside to unlock the car door the old-fashioned way.  As I ventured downstairs I considered the ease of simply making time to see him.  My work did not require that I remain chained to my desk.  In fact, they encouraged us to take several breaks throughout the day to reenergize and refocus.  As I greeted my husband with a smile that had him wondering what I was up to, I made a decision. 

Time to Reprioritize

I want to thank everyone for all of your helpful, useful, and practical recommendations.  While I haven’t had a chance to personally respond to each suggestion, you will likely see many of your recommendation lovingly adopted below.  Taking my initial list of responsibilities and commitments, I’ve reprioritized and identified specific actions for getting my days back under some level of managed chaos.  I realize that this post is excessive long, but I wanted to cover everything.  This plan will help with my accountability if I happen to slip a bit in the future.  Here are my plans:

1)    God – Daily bible study, journaling and prayer – No Changes

2)    Marriage – Determinedly, I have moved my marriage up as my 2^nd priority.  So, what does this mean?  Spending more time with my husband, considering and focusing on his needs, and remembering that keeping our marriage strong is necessary for any of our other activities to have any chance at success.  Initially, I hope to have lunch together at least once a week, a date night at least every other week, and daily time talking about something other than who needs to be where when.  Additionally, a much needed and long overdue couple’s vacation is also on the list…preferably before Thanksgiving.  Hey, a girl can hope.

-    In an effort to kick this off right, last night we took the three youngest kids on a walk to the playground.  The lovely temperatures offered a perfect setting for a casual stroll.  It started out rather well as the baby happily took in the scenery from her cozy spot in the stroller and the other two kids excitedly ran ahead.  However, the stubbornness of a rather hard-headed (as my mom often calls him) toddler abruptly disrupted our plans requiring me to leave early.  Half-dragging and half-carrying the obstinate child back to the house; I decided that next time maybe we should just take the baby for a walk. 

3)    Writing – This area is difficult for me.  I truly believe that writing is the path that God wants me to follow; however, cutting back and prioritizing these efforts is necessary.  Here are my changes:

-    My Blog: The Journey North – Reduce the frequency by limiting my daily postings to only Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Through November, Fridays will be provided by a series of guests.  Therefore, starting today (there’s no time like the present) I will only provide two posts per week.  Several people suggested that I take a break from blogging all together.  I seriously considered that option, but as another friend of mine recently mentioned, writing is my outlet.  It is a chance for me to express what I’m feeling and it offers a bit of therapy for me.  So, for now, I’ve decided cutting back is better than taking a break.  However, I’m keeping the other option in my back pocket.

-    Guest Blogging – Limit my guest blogging contributions by not actively seeking opportunities.  I will complete the ones I’m already committed to (I’m a guest on Shannon Milholland’s blog Jesus & My Orange Juice and Rachel Snyder’s blog The Lazy Christian this Friday and there are a couple of others later on).  I will continue to accept requests, but I will not actively seek them.

-    My Book – Actually, I’ve spent very little time on this since I returned from the Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks conference in July.  I admit I became rather discouraged when I couldn’t get any of the publishers to even want my (nonexistent, but that’s another story…see my series Let’s Get Naked) proposal.  However, I recently revised the structure of my book during an unexpected moment of insight and I’m feeling the pull to put my heart back into it.  Prayer has confirmed that this is an area where I need to add some focus and energy.

-    Social Media – While maintaining a presence on Facebook and Twitter is necessary to support my writing efforts, I’ve decided to limit my addiction.  Therefore, I’m only allowing myself to access Facebook and Twitter twice a day.  Once during the day while I’m at work and once in the evening while I’m at home.  That’s it.

4)    Work – Continue to leave work at work.  – No Changes

5)    Kids – While this shows up as 5^th on my list, both my husband and I are very involved in our kids’ activities.  The problem is that we have a lot of kids and really everything on my top ten list is very important.  When we blended our family, we set the expectation that the kids would only be able to participate in two activities each.  Since then, we have revised that rule to include, “depending on how much time is involved.”  It did not take us long to realize that all activities are not equal.  The level of effort for some activities (ex: the high school band) greatly exceeded the commitments of others (ex: piano lessons).  Therefore, the kids are already very restricted on the amount of activities they are allowed to have.  However, the necessity for some changes in this area remained.  The result?  The need to reduce my involvement in their activities.  As several people suggested, we decided to get the kids involved.  We talked to the older ones about my stress level and we worked out a solution.

-    For my 13 year old, I explained that I could only attend her home volleyball games.  To my surprise, she hadn’t expected me to attend the out-of-town games.  Well, that was easy.

 -    For my 16 year old, I suggested that maybe I could attend half of the football games and only a few of the band competitions (there’s one each Saturday in October, plus a few more).  The response to my suggestion?  A teenage shrug and some vague response.  Attempting to refrain from rolling my eyes, I clung to the idea that deep down the toddler screaming, “Look at me!” still existed.  Please don’t burst my bubble!  J

6)    Rest – My husband has gotten involved in moving this one up from 10th place.  Clearly, I need to find more moments of rest.  He has adopted more of a proactive effort in helping me find and even encouraging me to take some time for myself.  Over this past weekend, he supported my plans to get my hair done and even recommended that I enjoy lunch and a pedicure!  I hope to add some monthly Girls’ Night Out (with adults) to my list.  Anyone interested?

7)    Chores – This area is always a challenge.  No one in my house desires the level of cleanliness that I dream of.  While getting my kids and husband to improve their efforts, I really needed to work on lowering my expectations.  Additionally, we have a housekeeper that cleans every other week.  I wish she could come every week…who am I kidding?  I wish she could come every day!  But finically, neither of those glorious options is possible at this time.  Anyway, we also got the kids involved in this discussion and expanded the chore list. 

-    Our 16 year old earned his driver’s license last week, so we are hopeful that he will be able to assist in some transportation demands and a bit of grocery shopping. 

8)    Exercise – While getting in some exercise is important, due to our other time constraints my goal is to make a weekly trip to the gym.  It’s not exactly the best workout routine, but it’s better than nothing. 

9)    Church – Continue to attend weekly service and our biweekly couples’ small group bible study. – No Changes

10)    Volunteering – While volunteering is vital to keeping you balanced, the need to reduce my commitments is necessary. 

-    At church, I am going to ask that they remove me from the standard nursery rotation and move me to the special events list (ex: Christmas and Easter).  I haven’t done that just yet, I’m procrastinating.  I know the staff will be disappointed and I hate to disappoint anyone! 

-    As for my band booster club commitments, I’ve decided to ask for help.  I need to find someone (other than my husband) to co-chair our annual Winter Dash.  I haven’t mentioned this to anyone yet, but several of my band moms read my blog.  They either knew this was coming or they do now.  Of course, there is always the possibility that they got tired of reading today’s blog and didn’t get this far…wink. 

-    The biggest issue I have is the need to learn how to, not only say “no”, but also to stop jumping up and volunteering!  I’m horrible about that!!

Okay, so that’s it.  I’m shocked if you made it this far and I totally appreciate everyone who didn’t!  As with all of my blogs, I can’t leave without a bible verse to inspire me.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:25 (NIV)

For those that made it to the end of this embarrassingly long post, thank you.  Keep the suggestions coming!

Urgent Request: Change – Part 1 of 2

I struggled with finishing my last series I’ve Got it All Figured Out.  It seemed like every time I began to feel that things were finally back on track, some situation arose that demonstrated how far away I actually am from finding balance and renewal. 

Generally, I feel that most things in my life would fall well into an episode of the Cosby Show (for us older folk) or Parenthood (for those who are…well…older.  Dang…I saw that going differently).  Anyway, you get my point.  Things go bad, humor lessens the impact, and life ends with hugs and understanding all crammed within the space of an hour or less. 

Unfortunately, it seems like lately I can’t quite reach the ending plateau of peace and happiness.  Instead of returning to that comfortable zone of normal, I seem to remain on the verge of catastrophe.  The need for change has become so tangible that I can feel it clinging to me wherever I go and in whatever I’m doing.  Yet, I resist.  The question is why? 

Normally, I am a person who embraces change.  The various jobs and houses that I have discarded over the past ten years clearly demonstrate this quirk in my personality.  My sister often explains it this way. 

She’s in the paddleboat working her way down the stream of life and I’m doing circles and jumping waves in my speedboat while waving wildly at her and encouraging her to jump on board. 

However, lately I feel paralyzed and unable to make any changes.  Recent events and my state of mind scream of the necessity to do things differently.  However, as I consider my responsibilities, commitments, and time management, there simply aren’t any easy or obvious solutions. 

The thing is I spend very little time participating in frivolous activities.  In fact, I have eliminated almost all opportunities to relax, renew and refuel.  I keep pouring out, but there just isn’t enough time to fill back up.  This situation has been growing for some time now.  However, I’ve consciously chosen to ignore the signs.  Now, I can’t resist the feeling that disaster lurks behind every corner.  It has become exceedingly clear that I need to make a change. 

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for he grants sleep to those he loves.  Psalm 127:2 (NIV)

Over the weekend, I decided to tackle the task of deciding what to change.  I began by simply listing the areas and interests in my life.  Second, I prioritized them based on the effort I put in and the significance I place on these activities during my normal day.  Finally, I added the specific activities and commitments in each of these areas.  The results revealed both good and bad insights.  Here’s what I came up with: 

1. God – daily bible study, journaling and prayer (Yea! Time with God should be first and it is.)
2. Writing – blog posts Monday through Friday, guest blogging, writing my book, facebook, twitter, blog design and the occasional article (Hmmm…I know that when I’m writing I’m following God’s plan for me, but…there’s a lot of stuff here.)
3. Work – fulltime fast-paced work environment and a boss that I just can’t seem to please (The family needs to eat.  Not sure what I can do about this.  I do leave work at work.  That’s something.)
4. Kids – volleyball games, various lessons, football games, band competitions, and playtime (With six kids this list is rather extensive, so I just captured the ones that take up the most time.  The kids notice when I’m there and when I’m not.  What to do?)
5. Chores – groceries, dinner, laundry, cleaning, baths, bedtime, etc. (I would gladly give every one of these up, but alas it is not to be…)
6. Church – attend weekly service and biweekly couples small group bible study (Good stuff, but most of this is good stuff)
7. Volunteering – nursery at church, organizing the band’s 10k, 5k, and family fun run, and several other events (More good stuff.  I have commitments here where people are relying on me and I don’t want to disappointment them.)
8. Marriage – rare night out and limited intimacy (Ouch…this shouldn’t be so far down my list.)
9. Exercise – rare (To quote Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, “Exercise gives you endorphins.  Endorphins make you happy.  Happy people don’t kill their husbands…They just don’t!”  I definitely need more of this!)
10. Rest – nonexistent (What more can I say??)

I found it comforting that God did make the top of my list.  However, the fact that my marriage rated eighth left my feeling rather ashamed.  One thing became vividly clear.  I can’t maintain this level of focus and commitment.  I needed to make some immediate changes.  It’s obvious that I need to add some activities and reprioritize my time.  Yet, I struggled with the how.  I took my question and turned to prayer for the answer.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Luke 11:9-10 (NIV)

What would you do?  I’m happily accepting suggestions and recommendations.  How do you balance your life?

Return later this week (I’ve learned to stop promising tomorrow!) and I’ll reveal the hard choices and how I plan to make them happen in “Urgent Request for Change – Part 2 of 2”.